Getting Even
by Starzki
Summary: AU One-shot. Sango not only gets mad at her college roommate, she gets even. With a little help from Miroku. MirSan, as always.


Disclaimer: The Inuyasha characters do not belong to me nor am I getting any monetary compensation for playing with them as I do.

Author's Note: This story was born out of reading way to many bad AU lemons. Why, you ask, do I subject myself to bad AU lemons time and again? Procrastination. But after all of that self-torture, I meant this to be a parody to exorcise the images of all of those tasteless stories. I don't think I was that successful (in the exorcism or in making a parody). I have no idea where this came from or how to classify or rate it. Oh well. Let the OOC-ness abound!

WARNING: I've rated this PG-13 because there is no actual lemon. There is some language, drinking, and a lot of _suggestive_ situations. If any of this offends you or if you are too young to read it, please don't. You have been warned.

Getting Even

By Starzki

-

The hair scrunchy was around the doorknob. As if Sango actually needed the silent signal that her roommate, Kagura, was entertaining her boyfriend. The much louder proofs of Kagura's present occupation were the cries and screams and grunts emanating through the door.

Sango crossed her arms and huffed in indignation. While she hadn't had many boyfriends through the years, she wasn't a wide-eyed innocent, either. She knew for a fact that nothing felt _that_ good for _that_ long.

"Oh, _yes_! Sesshoumaru!" came the barely legible words through the moans and other auditory accompaniment of Kagura's screwing.

_And the Oscar goes to…_ thought Sango.

Sango was pissed off. It was Friday night and she had no set plans. She _had_ been wanting to just curl up with her Chemistry book and go over some of the equations she was having a hard time with before her test next week. But now that plan was shot all to hell.

Sango briefly entertained the idea of cracking open the door and crawling through the room with her eyes closed to snatch up the book. But, she had tried that already the week before. Sesshoumaru and Kagura hadn't noticed her at all, but Sango had accidentally peeked and had seen their reflection in a strategically placed mirror. Sango shuddered physically at the memory. And she didn't understand how Kagura, who confessed to not having an athletic bone in her body, could sustain a position like _that_ with such endurance and strength and still be able to move at all the next day. Sango shuddered again and gagged at the image as it flashed behind her eyes.

Now what was she supposed to do? She briefly entertained the idea of going to visit Kagome at her sorority house. Sango pondered briefly how she was friends with a sorority girl at all. But Kagome, a teammate on the university's soccer team, was surprisingly cool and laid back without the false cheeriness that Sango always expected out of girls who pledged. Sango actually enjoyed hanging out with Kagome and the other girls at the house 90 percent of the time. But it was rush week and Kagome would be busy. Plus, the bathrooms there always smelled like vomit.

Sango also briefly considered heading over to one of the frat houses. She was welcomed enthusiastically in all of them. But she had a strict buddy-system policy about entering a frat house at night. Especially during rush. She wouldn't step a foot inside without making sure there was someone to keep an eye on her.

With that idea nixed as well, Sango gave another angry huff. Here she was, an acceptably attractive, very smart girl standing outside of her door listening to her oversexed roommate faking orgasms on a Friday night. She spun on her heel and looked across the courtyard to the guy's dorms.

Only one light was on. It came from Sesshoumaru's dorm. It seemed as though his roommate, Miroku, was home.

Sango shrugged her shoulders and decided to pay him a visit. She liked Miroku. He was on the guy's soccer team. Both teams traveled to their away games together so the soccer players of the school generally got to know each other very well.

Sango knew the boys' team well enough to know better than to date a soccer player, though. After two spectacular failures in dating senior players when she was a freshman, she realized that they made perfectly terrific friends and perfectly terrible boyfriends. At least for her. Kagome had found Inuyasha and they seemed to get along well for the most part.

Whatever. Miroku seemed fine with just being her friend. There was an errant grope here and there during pick-up games as he guarded her, but she would repay him with a sharp elbow to the sternum and he would get the idea. He wasn't shy, but he had never asked her out. Kagome said that it was because he liked Sango more than any of the other girls he was so forward with.

Miroku had dated many of Sango's teammates and while none of the relationships had worked out, all of the girls had nothing but kind things to say about him even after breaking up, which was a definite plus for him in Sango's book. If not for her no-soccer-boys policy, she would definitely be nursing a crush on him.

Sango rapped sharply on Miroku's door. He answered shirtless and with a sly smile, "Why, Sango. What a nice surprise. You've finally come to your senses and decided to act on all those feelings you've got for me."

"Keep dreaming," she responded with an evil grin, pushing him back into the room. The place smelled like beer. "What do you have to drink?" she asked.

"Been one of those days?"

"Well, it was fine until I got kicked out of my own room because your stupid roommate is a sex fiend."

"Hey, it's _your_ roommate that brings it out of him."

"Gross."

Miroku chucked as he surveyed the cabinet where he kept the alcohol. "Your mind's in the gutter, Sango."

"Yours would be, too, if you heard what I just heard."

Miroku turned and gave Sango a perverted smile. "Hey now, my mind is _always_ in the gutter." He had pulled out a bottle of tequila and a shaker of salt and retrieved sliced limes from his mini-fridge.

"Right, I forgot. But, honestly, this has all got to stop. Why can't they come here and do it for once?"

"Because I have good karma." Miroku poured generous amounts of the amber liquid into shot glasses.

"If you have such good karma, why are you home alone on a Friday night?"

"Waiting for you, Sango," he responded without hesitation. He licked the back of his hand and shook some salt onto it and handed the shaker to Sango who did the same thing.

Sango smiled at him. "You are so full of shit, Miroku. Really, though, no hot date?"

Miroku handed her a shot glass and a wedge of lime. They toasted one another, licked the salt, downed the drink, and sucked on the lime.

Sango licked her tingling lips and pretended not to notice Miroku's flush as he watched her do so. He was looking really good that night. She was noticing the way his eyes would flash playfully, accentuating the flecks of gray within the deep blue. He was looking so good that she was on the brink of wanting to forget her policy of not dating soccer players.

"Well, Sango, you're shaping up to be my hot date for the night. I was just going to hang out and see who stopped by. I'll be getting out of here later on. Sesshy and Kagura will be stopping by later to pick something up before heading out again."

Sango's head snapped up. "They're coming here? They'll be wanting to get into here?" The warm feeling of revenge mixed in with the warmth of the alcohol coursing through her system.

Miroku picked up on her meaning immediately. He gave an appreciating sigh and said, "I love your mind."

"I love that you can read my mind," she responded quickly. And they began to hatch their evil plan of revenge. Sango took another shot of tequila. For the plan to work, she wanted to sound convincing and the only way that was going to happen was if she was a little more uninhibited.

-

Sango drank a little more than she had intended. She felt so warm. And Miroku was being so charming to her. The combination of the alcohol and attractive male attention was making her giddy.

"Are they coming, yet?" Sango hissed at Miroku, who was peering through the blinds of his dorm window.

"Why are you whispering?" he whispered back. "Are we hunting wabbits?"

Sango collapsed into giggles at the Elmer Fudd reference. She opened her mouth to respond, but he jerked back from the window, fixing the blinds shut.

"They're on their way. We need to take our positions."

"They're coming? Are you sure?"

"One silver head and one dark head coming from across the courtyard. It's them." Miroku started his CD player: Barry White's _Let's Get it On_.

"That's really subtle, Miroku," Sango said with a huge grin. Revenge was much more fun than she realized.

Miroku and Sango jumped up onto his bed and stood, counting to thirty. Then, they began to jump up and down.

"Oooh," sighed Miroku in a loud voice.

Sango covered her mouth to stifle her giggles before gasping, "Oh, Miroku! That feels so good!"

Miroku joined her silent laughter. "Sango. Oh, Saaaango! Oh, yesss!" He began to jump higher.

"Right there, Miroku. Oh my GOD!" Sango jumped higher, too. The mattress was shaking and creaking under their bouncing weight.

"Sango, you're a GODDESS! Oh, yes! Just like that! That's how I like it!"

They gave overly loud and enthusiastic moans as they jumped higher and higher.

Sango began to giggle again as Miroku jumped off the bed and moved to its foot. Sango continued jumping as Miroku pushed the frame of the bed into the wall to make further pounding noises. "Yes, Miroku. You're the KING!" Sango shouted gleefully as she watched Miroku crumple into giggles of his own. "You're the MAN!" she erupted before she had to stop because her laughter prevented breathing.

"That's right! Take it all. Take it ALL!" grunted Miroku from his collapsed position on the ground. He was laughing more than he was talking, but managed to hide it well. Sango heard what he said and missed a step and tripped off of the bed in a heap.

"Oww!" she yelled, silently laughing even harder, giving herself over to loud panting that would be misconstrued by those on the other side of the door.

Miroku, through his own mirthful tears, whispered, "You okay?"

Sango nodded, unable to speak.

"That's right," announced Miroku, again, "Who's the best you've ever been with, Sango?"

Sango gave whimpering laughs as she crawled over to her friend. "You," she whispered. "Oh, YOU, Miroku! Oh my GOD!" she yelled.

"Oh Sango! I've been waiting for you for YEARS! I'm so glad you've finally come around! I WORSHIP you!" Sango covered her mouth with both hands, unsuccessful in containing the laughter.

"Oh my God," she whispered. "You have to stop with that or you'll make me pee!"

"Phase Two," whispered Miroku and gave a series of deep moans. They meant to move to the window to be silhouetted by the room's lamplight. Sango made a noise like a Broadway opera star singing an aria and Miroku grew weak with stifled laughter. Miroku noticed that Sango's long sleeved t-shirt would give their ruse away. He maneuvered her over to the window and tried to pull it tighter to make it less noticeable.

Sango realized what he was trying to do and decided to just take the offensive clothing off. She shucked the shirt and figured that her pants were tight enough not to be conspicuous in shadow.

Miroku's jaw dropped and he just gaped at her. "You're…Oh my God! Your body… You're beautiful!" he said, not quietly, but completely forgetting his audience outside.

Sango knew his reaction was genuine and felt every cell in her body blush and gave him a warning look. She hushed him and beckoned him to her at the same time. Falling into their playacting again, he pushed her to the window, pressing her not-too-gently against the blinds.

"Miroku!" Sango gasped. He had his arms around her, crushing her into the window. He pulled away slightly and checked her reaction, concerned.

"Is this okay?" he whispered.

"Oh, YEAH!" moaned Sango, giving him a genuine smile, hoping it looked more platonic than she felt toward him in that moment. His nearness was disconcerting her and she was beginning to forget the reason for all the theatrics.

Sango jumped up and wrapped her legs around Miroku's waist. He moved Sango off the window and toward the wall where their silhouettes could still be seen through the window.

Grunting, he slammed her into the wall, taking the brunt of the impact on the arms he had wrapped around her. Sango grew increasingly quiet, impressed at how strong he was and even more thrown by him now that most of her body was pressed so intimately against him.

Miroku was just as tentatively unsure of their current position as Sango was. They were toeing a line he wasn't sure that Sango wanted to cross. He checked her face again. She looked flushed. Her lips were dark and her eyes were clouded and deeply affected. She sighed and gave him a piercing look of want as she stared into his eyes. Sango looked breathtakingly beautiful and he knew they'd crossed the line from friendship to something more in that exact moment.

"Oh, Sango," he breathed.

Sango looked into the eyes that had been mesmerizing her all night long and grew sober and serious. He looked at her with such hunger and desire that she felt her bones melting.

"Read my mind," she breathed at him. Then she smirked.

Miroku considered her through narrowed eyes for a second before mirroring her smirk. Then he began to bounce Sango up and down and into the wall.

"Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!" Sango screamed with each "thrust." He was careful not to create too much friction between them, now that there was only the merest beginning of a romantic relationship budding between them, but he gave a performance he was sure was convincing from the outside.

"OH MY GOD, YES!" she screamed, as if hitting her peak before sagging in Miroku's arms. He gave a final growl that turned into a grunt as his legs gave out and he sat down hard, with Sango still on top of him.

She smiled and pushed him back onto the floor. She swept her long hair to one side as she lowered her face to his. Both were panting and slightly perspiring from their antics. Miroku buried his fingers in Sango's hair and closed the distance between them with a searing kiss. The salty sweet taste of limes and tequila lingered on both of their lips as they claimed each other.

Moving to have better access to one another, they were interrupted by a tentative knock on the door. A small voice flitted through, "Uh, Sango? It's Kagome. Umm. Inuyasha and I were wondering if you two wanted to come out to the diner with us. Uh…I'm guessing you'll be hungry soon, so why don't you guys just meet us there after you've recovered. And…uhh…way to go Sango!"

Miroku and Sango heard snickering from the other side of the door as Inuyasha and Kagome left. Sango covered her mouth with her hand, completely mortified. She gave Miroku a fearful look. Miroku, just as surprised, had to laugh at her expression.

"Well," he began, giving her a playful hug and not really having anything to say to console her. "I guess we'll explain things to them whenever we see them."

Sango nodded, still in shock at the mistake.

Miroku got up and went over to the window to straighten the disheveled blinds. Peeking out, he exclaimed, "Hey, this time it really is Sesshy and Kagura!" He turned to Sango with a dare in his eyes. "We still haven't gotten even from before. You up for it?"

Sango dropped her hand and matched his challenging look. "You're the KING, Miroku!" she yelled with a laugh before kissing him hard and leading him back towards his bed.

END

A/N 2: Wow, I really don't like writing AU's at all. I blame everything on the string of bad AU lemons that I read recently. But they did remind me of living in the dorms and all of the drama that went with having roommates. So to further procrastinate doing actual work that I need to do, I made another bad AU psuedo-lemon. I think (hope) it's all out of my system now. My apologies.


End file.
